A Look at Yourself
No doubt you can list the qualities you would want in a mate. It is much more difficult, however, to look at yourself to determine how you can contribute to a marriage. Self-scrutiny is vital, both before and after taking the vows of wedlock. For example, ask yourself the following questions.

• Am I willing to make a lifelong commitment to my mate?—Matthew 19:6.

In the days of the Bible prophet Malachi, many husbands left their mates, perhaps to marry younger women. Jehovah said that his altar was covered with the tears of the abandoned wives, and he condemned men who thus "dealt treacherously" with their mates.—Malachi 2:13-16.

• If I am thinking about getting married, am I past the youthful age when sexual feelings run quite strong and can distort good judgment?—1 Corinthians 7:36.

"It is very risky to get married too young," says Nikki, who was 22 when she married. She cautions: "Your feelings, goals, and tastes will continue to change from the time you are in your late teens until you are in your mid-to-late 20's." Of course, readiness for marriage cannot be measured by age alone. Nevertheless, marrying when one is not past the youthful stage when sexual feelings are new and especially strong can distort one's thinking and blind one to potential problems.

• What traits do I have that will help me contribute to a successful marriage?—Galatians 5:22, 23.

The apostle Paul wrote to the Colossians: "Clothe yourselves with the tender affections of compassion, kindness, lowliness of mind, mildness, and long-suffering." (Colossians 3:12) This counsel is appropriate for those who are contemplating marriage as well as for those who are already married.

• Do I have the maturity needed to support a mate through difficult times?—Galatians 6:2.

"When problems occur," says one doctor, "the tendency is to blame the mate. Who is to blame is not what is most important. Rather, it is how both husband and wife can cooperate to improve the marital relationship." The words of wise King Solomon apply to married couples. "Two are better than one," he wrote, "for if one of them should fall, the other one can raise his partner up. But how will it be with just the one who falls when there is not another to raise him up?"—Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10.

• Am I generally cheerful and optimistic, or am I predominantly gloomy and negative?—Proverbs 15:15.

A negative person views each day as bad. Marriage does not miraculously change this attitude! A single person—man or woman—who is largely critical or pessimistic will simply become a married person who is just as critical or pessimistic. Such a negative outlook can put a terrible strain on a marriage.—Compare Proverbs 21:9.

• Do I keep calm under pressure, or do I give in to uncontrolled expressions of rage?—Galatians 5:19, 20.

Christians are commanded to be "slow about wrath." (James 1:19) Before marriage and during marriage, a man or a woman should cultivate the ability to live by this counsel: "Be wrathful, and yet do not sin; let the sun not set with you in a provoked state."—Ephesians 4:26.